Moving out of the Blame/Shame Game through Meditation
The trials and suffering we endure in our lives are NOT sent as punishment, NO. They come to SET US FREE.
They set us free because they show where we are blind to our wholeness.
They may move us away from people, places, and situations that are blocking us from growing into our wholeness, our power, and our light.
They can develop in us self-discipline, endurance, practical coping skills, deeper understanding, fortitude, and self-compassion, the ability to forgive, and a much deeper connection with the incredible depths of our strength and brilliance of our light.
But only if we choose this. It is a conscious CHOICE.
Our society is full of pressure and expectations. It is almost impossible to not feel the stress. Our minds are often engaged in the “blame/shame game”, either blaming others or shaming ourselves for our troubles, or both. This brings up feelings of anger, resentment and pain, or deep shame, failure, and hopelessness. We can get stuck here, sometimes for a lifetime. We all get stuck here to some degree. It is human. The discomfort this causes prompts us to grow. If we choose to…
When we see that we are in our version of the blame/shame game, we can choose to work for a deeper understanding of what we are experiencing under the surface, and the power we have inside to meet the challenge of the moment. We can rescue these lost parts of ourselves.
What is needed is meditative awareness. This is developed through meditation practice, where you repeatedly and consistently bring your awareness to a non-judgmental observation of your own mind, including all its habitual perceptions, reactions, and stances. Without reacting as usual, we just allow ourselves to feel, and to really notice how we feel. We mediate what is going on from a higher perspective, which we can only view as we let go of our habitual way of seeing, feeling and experiencing our lives.
Here is the process:
1. Pause. Rest. Connect with your physical body as it is. Feel. Connect. Widen your conscious awareness to the physical sensations throughout your whole body.
2. Source your conscious awareness in a field of non-harming and truthfulness (ahimsa and satya). Sense and feel each part of your physical body, inviting a sense of safety, and a softening of your tissue. Be patient and kind with your body.
3. Connect with your breath to help you. Touch each area of your body from the inside with your breath, expanding and releasing. Feel your tension melting away as you release your breath. Feel your body opening and softening to the inhalations. Be gentle rather than demanding. Be patient rather than rush.
4. Attune your conscious awareness to your emotional experience throughout this process, in your bodily held physical and emotional sensations. This is not at the level of thought but of physical, emotional experience, of sensations in your body. The physical/emotional “pockets” you find in your body are portals to your awakening, expanding light, to your wholeness.
5. Because we have become aware of our embedded wounds (we feel them consciously), we can know we have the capacity to deal with them, even if we don’t think this is so at first. We are able to “own it”, to take responsibility (to “respond-ably”). This is not a burden; it is an ability! We may not have known we had it, and we may need to strengthen it, but it is there. Even though the emotions may feel overwhelming and too big, we can and must trust in our own ability to respond ably. Because this is true. And if we keep on with our process, we will learn this for ourselves through our own experience of it.
6. Breathe into and through your physical and emotional pockets repeatedly and gently, to soften and release the tension within. This is physical. In the letting go physically, comes the release emotionally. Learn how to open your breath and body through body positions ("asana"), breathing techniques (“pranayama”), and toning (the use of any sound that connects inside and helps you let go).
7. Please allow a completely authentic, unscripted experience to move through you physically and emotionally. We must allow this to happen within us subjectively, as we observe objectively. You may make sound on your exhalations, cry, move, tremble, shake, moan. Breathe and move through it in whatever way helps to keep the “pocket” releasing. The key is to keep it flowing. Our breathing helps us moment by moment through this.
8. Our compassionate, non-judging observer within guides and supports us throughout this process as we stay present. As we become completely immersed in observing our subjective experience compassionately, we have entered the state of meditation.
9. Being in this meditative state brings us perspective we do not have in other states of mind. We are able to align with our principles inwardly and discern what needs to be done, both inwardly for ourselves, and outwardly in the world. We mediate.
10. Inwardly, we see and affirm what we need. We must trust in the light and creative power of our minds, allowing visualizations, inspiration and intuitive knowing to arise. Receive what you need. Follow this process to its completion. Become your own very best friend. Take time to saturate yourself with love. Breathe courage, peace, light into your body tissue, as guided by your intuition and observation.
11. Affirm what is needed outwardly in your life and strengthen this knowledge in your conscious mind. Then do it.
12. As we stay open, observing and allowing a subjective experience during our meditation, we may experience a great expansiveness. There may be a state of timelessness and great spaciousness at this stage. A deep peace may arise. A deep sense of joy. These powerful states heal us. This is called samadhi (“to bring it all together in our own way”). Stay in samadhi as long as you can.
This process reveals to us a deeper level of understanding about our lives. We see through our deeply embedded belief systems, how we habitually perceive and respond to both past experiences and current situations. We may see that we still hold that which we thought we had already let go. We come to observe even how we think. We may see very clearly how our own unconscious blame/shame game contributes and enlivens our suffering.
As we practice our meditation consistently, though nothing may change outside of us (indeed much of life is beyond our control), we feel the change inside. We feel stronger. Our needs are being met. We see things more clearly, and more lovingly. We become less interested in the views of the blame/shame game. We are not bothered so much by things that used to get to us. We act out less. We are calm more. We know we can rely on ourselves. We can trust ourselves.
As we experience these healing states, it is inevitable that we come to the realization that we all struggle with our own unique versions of the blame/shame game. And, we all have varying degrees of ability to respond ably. This gives us detachment. And joy. And peace.
And forgiveness. We naturally come to forgive others, and we finally learn to forgive ourselves. We become more authentic and whole. We become free.
And that changes everything.
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